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Why Ghosting

So, I think that most of us know and understand ghosting. However, just in case someone has not heard of it before, ghosting is a negative social game that people play when they don't want to confront you. Instead of directly expressing something that they feel will hurt your feelings or reflect on them negatively, they just stop all communication with you without any explanation why.

This leaves you confused and questioning yourself. What did I do wrong? What did I say wrong? What is wrong with me? You spend days reviewing the relationship trying to figure out what happened.

When I talk to people who have been ghosted, they always feel they are at fault. Something lacking in them caused the person to ghost them.

Here are a few words from The Golden 'Fro: Stop blaming yourself. Accept that you really don’t know what precipitated the ghosting and more than likely you are not going to find out.

What I have found when talking to people who ghost others is that they often feel badly about ghosting. People who ghost usually don’t have the nerve to confront you with their issue. They feel that this relationship is not going to work for them, but they are afraid of the confrontation.

Here are some reasons for ghosting I have heard.

· They have self-esteem issues and feel that they are not good enough for you.

· They feel they are not financially established well enough.

· Your relationship goals are different. They want a hook-up, and you want a relationship. (Trust me, people who subscribe to serious dating sites can have hookup as their real relationship goal. I am always confused and dismayed by that.)

· They feel that there is something not compatible between the two of you.

· They have another situation come up that they are obligated to. Since the relationship between the two of you is new and un-established, it is easier for them back away from you.

· They feel they haven’t known you long enough to feel obligated to explain.

· They have known you for a while, they want to break up but just don’t have the guts to do so.

The bottom line is you cannot fault yourself for someone else not being able to face a situation that they find uncomfortable.

As disappointing as that maybe, the foundation of a successful relationships is successful communication. If they cannot talk with you now, how are they going to make it when the relationship goes live.

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