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When to Introduce Your Kids to Your New Love Interest

So, you’ve met someone that you really like, are attracted to, and all that other yummy new relationship stuff. You have dated a few times and now you want to bring them farther into your life. However, you have kids and if they don’t get along with your kids, they cannot be a real part of your life.

So, when do you bring the person you’re dating into your children’s life?

I believe that this is a two-part question. Part one is deciding when to introduce. Part two is deciding when to actually include them in family activities.

As for the introduction, you want to do this only when you have decided that you are interested in this person and it’s serious. The introduction should be casual. If the other person has children, you want to get together at a neutral location. Why neutral? This is to make sure that one child does not feel like the other child is stepping on their toes by coming to their domain and vice-versa. “This strange child is touching my stuff. Why do I have to give up my favorite chair for this person?” That sort of blah-blah-blah. (When my husband and I introduced our children, it was at Dave and Busters.)

Focus James, relationship coach from says this process should occur within the first 90 days of the relationship. I agree.

By planning a few activities with your new love interest and your children, you can see how they are around children. We all want love and companionship, but you don’t want to choose a person who doesn’t like kids, has a discipline style you don’t like, or is looking at your child with sexual interest. This is just creating pain for future therapy.

Once you have determined that this person is comfortable around children and that you guys are indeed committed to a long-term relationship, then you can start including this person in daily activities and family events.

The flip side to this is do your children like the new person or do they feel threatened by them. Or, are they missing the other parent and looking for someone to bond with. Either way, you want to talk with your kids to get their take and discuss any misgivings they may have.

One thing you do want to avoid is a series of lovers establishing relationships with your kids and then disappearing. When you break up with that person, the kid breaks-up too. If they have established a connection with your love interest, they will feel the hurt and the loss as well. You cannot keep taking them through this roller coaster. So before you start making your new love interest a part of the family, the both of you need to be clear about your intent for the relationship.

Good Luck

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